Miracles performed by Jesus

Welcome to our forum. This is a place for people to debate and rant about stuff. Enjoy!

Click here to register.

If you're already a member, you can log in here:

Pages:
1
2
3

Miracles performed by Jesus
Topic Started: 24 May 2012, 10:12 AM (1,309 Views)
~~Word Sorcerer~~	24 May 2012, 10:12 AM Post #1
Posts: 0 Group: Banned Member #2,201 Joined: 10-Dec 2011	How exactly does one walk on water? Well, you can't, obviously. Ah, but but the Son of God, or the Sun can. You see, it's the reflection on the water as the Sun moves across the sky. How about changing water into wine? Well, you see, as Jesus' rays of light beam down onto grapes, the process happens naturally. A bit of wisdom for you "atheists", stop living in la la land and go learn about the dualistic nature of reality. Please.
Posts: 0 Group: Banned Member #2,201 Joined: 10-Dec 2011


JeffroTheMan	24 May 2012, 10:23 AM Post #2
Posts: 910 Group: Members Member #355 Joined: 20-Jul 2011	In La La Land we get free hookers and blow. In dualism land... you're fucking Vaginasaur. I'll stick with hookers and blow, brah.
	"Should've been a soldier, I could've fought and died/ but there's no revolution, so I bought a bride." -Bought a Bride, Brand New


Taelôk	24 May 2012, 10:34 AM Post #3
Chess Noob Posts: 1,477 Group: Coffee addict Member #1,587 Joined: 2-Oct 2011	This is one of your weaker efforts.
	People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents. Andrew Carnegie My blog, dare ye click? Online meanderings and web-thought


PoodieCore	24 May 2012, 12:14 PM Post #4
German douche Posts: 3,319 Group: Old Grumpy Nazi Member #705 Joined: 3-Aug 2011	Even if Jesus would be the son of a virgin and he performed all those fancy miracles, it would prove jackshit. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. His miracles are a joke for someone who claims to be the son of the creator OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. I think the son of God should have been able to beam the entire planet somewhere else in the universe, speak telepathically with every human on Earth and not just too a bunch of uneducated sheep herders in an insignificant rural area, transform the entire Red Sea into Coca Cola, fly around like Superman or anything that is remotely really impressive also for a human living in the 21th century. Sorry today we can transform shit into drinking water which is way more impressive than the shitty wine into water trick. Jesus sucks and people who are impressed by his shitty miracles are morons.
	Best forum quotes: 1080Poop Intellectually this thread is like discovering a vagina for the first time. You're fascinated by it but scared of it at the same time. The scent is alluring and sparks something inside of you that gets a reaction. You poke and prod at it in inquisitiveness. "Is it safe to put my dick in here?" You ask yourself.


Yar	24 May 2012, 02:54 PM Post #5
Posts: 0 Group: Members Member #2,072 Joined: 15-Nov 2011	Word Sorcerer 24 May 2012, 10:12 AM How exactly does one walk on water? Don't you get it? Jesus was the Lizard King! And he could do anything!



~~Word Sorcerer~~	24 May 2012, 07:40 PM Post #6
Posts: 0 Group: Banned Member #2,201 Joined: 10-Dec 2011	Your conditioning is mighty strong, I wish you luck on your journey.
Posts: 0 Group: Banned Member #2,201 Joined: 10-Dec 2011


Snakekasunick	24 May 2012, 07:52 PM Post #7
Posts: 393 Group: Members Member #2,715 Joined: 5-May 2012	Word Sorcerer 24 May 2012, 10:12 AM How exactly does one walk on water? Maybe he did not, must of walk on swallow water and the witness just toke out of proportion.



Just4Trophyz	24 May 2012, 08:14 PM Post #8
Posts: -666 Group: Members Member #1,394 Joined: 20-Sep 2011	PoodieCore 24 May 2012, 12:14 PM Today we can transform shit into drinking water Gross. What the hell kind of water are you drinking?



Nemesis	24 May 2012, 08:17 PM Post #9
Internet Zombie Posts: 7,946 Group: God Member #653 Joined: 28-Jul 2011	Just4Trophyz 24 May 2012, 08:14 PM PoodieCore 24 May 2012, 12:14 PM Today we can transform shit into drinking water Gross. What the hell kind of water are you drinking? Hey, American: http://news.yahoo.com/texas-plant-turn-sewage-drinking-water-205103974.html



Just4Trophyz	24 May 2012, 08:27 PM Post #10
Posts: -666 Group: Members Member #1,394 Joined: 20-Sep 2011	Nemesis 24 May 2012, 08:17 PM Just4Trophyz 24 May 2012, 08:14 PM PoodieCore 24 May 2012, 12:14 PM Today we can transform shit into drinking water Gross. What the hell kind of water are you drinking? Hey, American: http://news.yahoo.com/texas-plant-turn-sewage-drinking-water-205103974.html Nasty. I'm never drinking water ever again



Superpig	31 May 2012, 08:32 AM Post #11
Super Pig Posts: 1,401 Group: Elite Members Member #2,437 Joined: 1-Feb 2012	Nemesis 24 May 2012, 08:17 PM Just4Trophyz 24 May 2012, 08:14 PM PoodieCore 24 May 2012, 12:14 PM Today we can transform shit into drinking water Gross. What the hell kind of water are you drinking? Hey, American: http://news.yahoo.com/texas-plant-turn-sewage-drinking-water-205103974.html JeffrotheShitdrinkingman! Edited by Superpig, 31 May 2012, 08:32 AM.



Nemesis	31 May 2012, 08:37 AM Post #12
Internet Zombie Posts: 7,946 Group: God Member #653 Joined: 28-Jul 2011	Turning shit into water > turning water into wine.



Ardat	31 May 2012, 01:48 PM Post #13
Posts: 2,138 Group: Elite Members Member #491 Joined: 26-Jul 2011	Nemesis 31 May 2012, 08:37 AM Turning shit into water > turning water into wine. Dude, not from a chemical point of view.
	What's more fun than fighting crime?


PoodieCore	31 May 2012, 03:18 PM Post #14
German douche Posts: 3,319 Group: Old Grumpy Nazi Member #705 Joined: 3-Aug 2011	Ardat 31 May 2012, 01:48 PM Nemesis 31 May 2012, 08:37 AM Turning shit into water > turning water into wine. Dude, not from a chemical point of view. True. But pretty sure also that it is possible today to turn water with a machine into something that resembles wine quite accurately. And that would still be a lot easier than nuclear fission. The stories of Jesus miracles were intended for clueless barbarians. Nothing that Jesus did is impressive for a person living in the 21th century. Hell David Blaine would pwn Jesus in a magic face off.
	Best forum quotes: 1080Poop Intellectually this thread is like discovering a vagina for the first time. You're fascinated by it but scared of it at the same time. The scent is alluring and sparks something inside of you that gets a reaction. You poke and prod at it in inquisitiveness. "Is it safe to put my dick in here?" You ask yourself.


~~Word Sorcerer~~	31 May 2012, 05:06 PM Post #15
Posts: 0 Group: Banned Member #2,201 Joined: 10-Dec 2011	Listen here niggers, a grape has a water content of approximately 70%, also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straw_wine Quote: Straw wine, or raisin wine, is a wine made from grapes that have been dried to concentrate their juice. The result is similar to that of the ice wine process, but suitable for warmer climates. The classic method dries clusters of grapes on mats of straw in the sun, but some regions dry them under cover, some hang up the grapes, and the straw may be replaced by modern racks. The technique dates back to pre-Roman times, and most production of these wines has been in Northern Italy and the French Alps. However producers in other areas are now starting to experiment with the method. So Jesus or Zeus or the Sun, turns water into wine with his rays, aight.
Posts: 0 Group: Banned Member #2,201 Joined: 10-Dec 2011


salamutスタッフ	31 May 2012, 05:30 PM Post #16
فقط الحفاظ على الابتسام Posts: 3,628 Group: Don't call me Autist Member #724 Joined: 7-Aug 2011	Word Sorcerer How exactly does one walk on water? Even moar amazingly, how do you sit on it? Word Sorcerer How about changing water into wine? Well, I get a litre of water, but it into a watering can, s[prinkle it upon a buried grape seed. Repeat process until you have grape vine. Take those mother fucking grapes, stand on them with bare feet for awesome. Let yeast eat it. Wine
	Toast 16 Feb 2012, 06:13 AM What the fuck is that shit, man? Are you going to provide anything relevant about reality besides posting nonsense about an elaborate hoax?


Yar	1 Jun 2012, 11:30 AM Post #17
Posts: 0 Group: Members Member #2,072 Joined: 15-Nov 2011	Word Sorcerer 24 May 2012, 10:12 AM How about changing water into wine? I always thought of this as something in line with Kessey's last acid test: that higher state of consciousness which you can achieve through transcendental meditation or years of taking psychedelic drugs, the Lizard King phase, when you can do anything. Edited by Yar, 1 Jun 2012, 11:38 AM.



Snakekasunick	13 Jun 2012, 01:53 PM Post #18
Posts: 393 Group: Members Member #2,715 Joined: 5-May 2012	Not to mention he's rip off of other gods before him.



thelearningpianist	13 Jun 2012, 07:37 PM Post #19
Posts: 616 Group: Saviour Member #1,875 Joined: 21-Oct 2011
	God save the Queen! I would give my life for her!


Nemesis	14 Jun 2012, 10:03 AM Post #20
Internet Zombie Posts: 7,946 Group: God Member #653 Joined: 28-Jul 2011	Ardat 31 May 2012, 01:48 PM Nemesis 31 May 2012, 08:37 AM Turning shit into water > turning water into wine. Dude, not from a chemical point of view. In depth explanation of this. GO!



1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)

Our users say it best: "Zetaboards is the best forum service I have ever used." Learn More · Register Now
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · Religion · Next Topic »

Pages:
1
2
3